A Different Wholeness

Today will mark the half-way point through treatment.  It’ll be the 15th of 30 radiation treatments, and my 4th long chemo day. 

Because of the holiday weekend, I had three days off from treatment just when I really needed it. Last week the unpleasant side effects were starting to build, so it helped to get that extra day off to “bounce back.”  As an added bonus, this week ends up being a short week of only four days of treatment, so I have hopes that by Friday I won’t feel quite as puny as I did after last week’s five-day dose.

A routine question I’m asked at the Cancer Center is whether I’m having any pain.  Until recently the answer has been no.  Yesterday, when I went in for radiation, I said heard myself say “yes” for the first time.  I knew the next question was going to be, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad?”  I told Carl I’d give it a “2” – which seems silly to even mention, but it gave him something new to write on my chart.  That, and I’d lost only 2 pounds this week. Otherwise, my vitals have been almost exactly the same every time they check.

Sock Swatch

As evidence of my progress, I started working on a knitting project during my long chemo days (to keep me occupied while I wait for bag after bag of meds to finish dripping).  As further evidence of how slow a knitter I am, I’m still working on the swatch and haven’t even made it to the real project yet (socks).  I’m likely to be finished with the entire treatment before I get the first inch of the first sock done…

I’m doing my best to just take things one day at a time now, and to not worry too much about what the next couple of weeks will bring.  But occasionally I let myself indulge in looking down the road a ways and – well – it frightens me.  If I’m feeling sickly now, I can only imagine what weeks five and six will bring.  But, as Dr. Fekrazad and my other health care folks tell me, “Everyone is different. You just never know.”  So, let’s all keep thinking positive, healing thoughts and perhaps I’ll be blessed to sail through the second half.  And get my socks knitted.