A short update is probably all I can manage today. Since Wednesday I just have not had the strength to do more than a few minutes at the computer each day.
This week’s chemo treatment really took a toll on me. I wasn’t home from the Cancer Center very long before I began vomiting. The “pre-meds” I’m given just before the chemo include Zofran (an anti-nausea drug), but I’m afraid it didn’t do much good this time. I also have Zofran pills at home, so as soon as I started getting sick I took one…but it didn’t stay down long enough to help either.
When I wasn’t preoccupied with throwing up, I had some discomfort to manage that’s building up from the radiation treatments. The sensation is something like an electrical impulse that comes and goes intermittently. Unfortunately, the feeling is located primarily in my rectum, so it’s pretty uncomfortable when it hits. If I can stay relaxed and breathe calmly, I can often manage the discomfort pretty well. But, on Wednesday night I was barely able to recover from vomiting nearly hourly, so managing any other pain with breathing exercises wasn’t really an option! It was a long night, to say the least.
The next morning I somehow dragged myself out the door to another session with Diana, whose energy work has definitely helped me handle the building side effects of all the treatment. Once again, the beautiful space she creates and her generous healing work allowed me to find some calm in the storm, at least for a while. But, by the afternoon, when it was time for my radiation appointment, I was pretty depleted again.
The radiation techs are very kind to me each time I come in. They always ask how I’m doing, if I need anything, do I need to see the doctor. This time, when they learned I’d been sick all night, they had Dr. Han give me a prescription for yet another form of Zofran – one that dissolves on the tongue immediately so you can’t vomit it up. I accepted gratefully and hobbled back home.
Tasya showed up with a bunch of food to stock the refrigerator: roast chicken, cucumber salad, pesto pasta, caprese salad, and more. But I couldn’t begin to think about food passing my lips – not even her farm fresh, organic, lovingly prepared, homemade food. The only thing I’d been able to handle was a few sips of sparkling apple cider (non-alcoholic, of course!) mixed with some sparkling water. Something about all the bubbles helped settle my stomach and for some reason apple cider actually sounded good to me. By Friday, Tim coaxed me into eating a few bites. He made up a plate with just a tiny sample from each one of Tasya’s dishes. I took one bite from each and felt like I’d just eaten a Thanksgiving dinner!
Most of my energy is taken up moving from the bed to the bathroom, and then to the couch and sometimes to the chair for a change of pace. I’m a pretty pathetic sight as I move about, hunched over, shuffling along like a very old lady. (Occasionally I notice Tim wince or even tear up as he watches me.) But mostly, I just try to stay still. When I can do that for a while, much of the discomfort seems to ease. When I let myself get agitated or begin feeling sorry for myself, that’s when the unpleasant sensations creep back in. Sounds easy to cope with on paper, but it’s a constant struggle to stay calm and centered.
I’m thankful the weekend is here. Two days to recover a little bit before starting another week. If I can make it through without having to stop for some reason (low blood count, infection, any number of other possible problems), then my last day of treatment will be on September 30. Thank you for all your prayers to help me through this. I could feel them surround me during the most difficult moments.
A Different Wholeness 
WE will all keep praying and singing you through the end of the month!!
calm and centered. steady on karen.
(here is a good one – ‘girl on a wire’)
Kim – Thank you so much for the link! I loved the “girl on a wire” video! (Sappy me, I even cried when she FINALLY made it!). You’re a gem…much love. -K.
Karen-
I am sorry to hear you’re having a tough time of it but you are one tough cookie and you’ll make it! Just like the girl on the wire! You are in my prayers today for a GOOD day, free of nausea. I used Queezy Pops and they really helped when none of the drugs the doctor gave me would. You can get them at http://Threelollies.com
Sending hugs and prayers your way! Love, Koryn
Karen
Bruce sang Waitin’ on a Sunny Day last night at the concert and couldn’t help but think of you as I sang along, particularly the opening…
It’s rainin’ but there ain’t a cloud in the sky
Musta been a tear from your eye
Everything’ll be okay
Funny thought I felt a sweet summer breeze
Musta been you sighin’ so deep
Don’t worry we’re gonna find a way
I’m waitin’, waitin’ on a sunny day
Gonna chase the clouds away
Waitin’ on a sunny day
Well my dear friend, hope that you won’t be feeling any worse this week and that you got some strength over the weekend. We’re all working hard to wish those clouds over you away.
Love you so much, Ali
Oh darlin’, it makes my heart ache. I’ve been sitting with all my Wise Woman books trying to find something herbal and nurturing to help you with these challenges. Unfortunately (fortunately?) Susan Weed most strongly recommends marijuana.
Next best seems to be yogurt taken in small increments, which helps to soothe the digestive system and bolster all those beneficial flora. Is dairy contra-indicated for you?
She also suggests sniffing peppermint. And pressure at the P6 acupuncture point “about 2 inches above the crease of the wrist, in the center of the inner arm”
Of course, Susan suggests nettle tea (or infusion if you can tolerate it) for general immune support and blood bolstering.
This all kind of assumes that you can hold anything down (with the exception of the peppermint and Mary-Jane). Probably just spitting in the wind, but there it is for what it’s worth.
On the other hand, I trust that the prayers and the love and the supporting thoughts that we’re all sending will prove to be highly effective.
I send you restful, peaceful wishes. Holding you in the Light.
xo
Kate
Yes, the video made me cry, too. I’m amazed at what we are all capable of doing…feats beyond our wildest imaginings. And, I shed tears at the beautiful messages that friends leave for you, Karen, you are so loved! And love is the most precious healing balm that there is…love you so much! Kelly
The worst thing in the world for me is puking, but I’d do it for you if I could.
The YouTube flick is great, she even looks a little like you.
Hold on, baby girl, your prayer team is growing and we’re going to hold on to you until you reach solid ground.
Big hugs,
A. Carol
Karen,
I am sending you a big hug and healing energy. You are doing so well and have come so far already! I am sorry to hear that the chemo is catching up to you, but know that you are supported by all and don’t have to do anything but take care of yourself now.
Lots of love,
Christine
You can do this, Strong Lady. You’ll be finished with your treatments soon, and then you can start working at rebuilding. Sending you love and hugs, and thinking of you always.