It seems a bit like trying to turn the QE2 around: once you initiate the turn, it still takes FOREVER to get the ship going in a different direction.
Patience required while waiting for the QE2 (or anything this huge) to make a turn...
Finally, nearly two weeks after my last treatment, I’m beginning to feel this ship starting to move in a more positive direction. I’m happy to report I actually feel a little better, I’m getting stronger daily, and, thankfully, I’m spending more time out of bed than in it now. I’ve even gained a couple of pounds back, probably due largely to Linda Wheeler’s homemade Apple Cake – made with 4 lbs. of apples (from her orchard), plus walnuts, raisins, and just enough other stuff to hold it all together. I’ve been eating it warm, with half-n-half, for breakfast every morning, and often having another piece as a snack later.
Finally feeling a bit better has also gone a long way toward lessening my resistance to some things: I’m taking the Xeloda with something akin to acceptance now, and I’ve pretty much completely surrendered to the need to give myself a daily shot of blood thinner (not that it’s become any easier to do – it’s just become part of the daily regimen of things I do whether I like it or not). But the thing I’m most grateful for as I continue to improve is that I am no longer such an invalid and can once again do a few things for myself!
For the past couple of days, I’ve been able to get up in the morning and fix a pot of tea for myself again! I’ve been able to shuffle out to the birdfeeder to fill it with birdseed (my poor birds, who were so used to a regular source of seed, have for weeks now had to wonder where their next meal was coming from). And I’ve even been able to sit at my desk and work for short stretches of time! I’m certain the emotional lift of finally being able to do some things for myself again has helped me just as much as physically feeling a little better.
So, for the present, we’ve finally got this ship heading in the direction of complete health. The focus will soon turn to surgery, but in this moment I am happy to be feeling almost whole again – a different wholeness, to be sure – but whole nonetheless.
(Huge Thank You’s go out to those folks who have continued to support me by ordering tea! I’m deeply grateful. As you can imagine, the momentum for the business waned a bit once I began my treatments. So your show of faith in me has meant a great deal, not to mention some much appreciated income!).
A Different Wholeness 