[Whew! She’s finally posted something on the blog again. She must still be alive! Thank God!]
It’s only been in the past few days I’ve begun to think I may still be among the living. For the past couple weeks I wasn’t at all sure as I sank lower into an abyss of pain and illness and fog. (The pain was actually my main indication that I wasn’t gone.) But I’ve barely been able to lift my head off the pillow since the last time I posted an entry. So, today’s a turning point for sure.
I’m still too shaky and weak to spend much time upright, so I won’t chronicle all the gory details of the last two weeks here. Basically, the final week of treatment took a huge toll, and the effects of the chemo and radiation continued to build for another week after that. I was far too sick to eat for a long while and lost several more pounds. I developed thrush, candida, a raging yeast infection, and my entire gastrointestinal tract, from mouth to anus, was stressed beyond endurance and simply stopped working.
The gripping abdominal pains I began complaining about three weeks ago finally became alarming enough to my doctors that X-Rays of my chest and abdomen were taken. No blockages found, but it turned out the entire abdominal cavity was filled with air and gas that wasn’t being expelled because nothing in my system was working properly. There were so many masses of gas bubbles on the X-Ray, they obscured any view of the left side of my ribs on the film. It was very eerie to see my chest and abdomen filled with large splotches of grey mass, but apparently all of it harmless – unless you can’t expel it. So, I was instructed to “go home and fart” (those were the exact words used by my health care professionals). Easier said than done, though, since I couldn’t just will my body to start passing gas normally. Lots of warm compresses and belly massage began to help, thankfully. Tim, bless his heart, gently massaged my belly regularly and even said encouraging things like, “Good girl!” when any tiny vapor would release. It feels quite juvenile, but we’re now applauding and high-fiving every worthy fart.
Slowly, my system is trying to perform it’s normal functions again. I’m finally eating small amounts of real food (say what you will about Ensure, but it probably kept me from starving to death when I couldn’t manage actual food). I am still unable to walk very far – from computer to bathroom is a marathon distance – but I am gaining more strength each day now.
And, to end on a high point: I did muster enough strength to ride in the car (supported by a ridiculous quantity of pillows and Ativan) up through Hyde State Park to the Santa Fe Ski Basin to see the aspens turning all yellow and golden, with hints of peach and rose in certain special places. It was so lovely to see, it took me out of myself for a time, and then reminded me that I am still alive.
More positive reports to come soon, I hope.
A Different Wholeness 
K-
I’m so glad to see you writing again and thrilled to hear you took a ride outside to see the Aspens. I wish I could have been in the back seat with you. Each day you will feel a little bit stronger.
Can’t wait to tell the boys about the high five farts. They will giggle about that and will absolutely require you to practice with them when they see you next. You are now officially an honorary member in the “Douglas Boys Fart Club.” Hey, you may now qualify to be the President.
Saw Nick last night. He stopped by on his way to Summerland. He sends his regards and good wishes. Thought that was a little more than a coincidence following our earlier call yesterday!
Love you lots, Ali
Last night as Clark was in the kitchen making coffee, he let go a goodly fart, looked at me with a twinkle in his eye, smiled his best “good boy” smile and said “that one’s for Karen!”
I say we should all follow his most excellent example.
C’mon folks…let’s show our support of our darling girl. Yes, it’s sympathetic magic–every fart will help to move the energy (not to mention moving bystanders out of the room).
If you’re too demure to fart aloud, make the sound with your armpit, or do a raspberry. Let’s raise a cacophony. Maybe all those little air bubbles trapped inside Karen will hear the call of the wild and migrate out of her to be with their tribe.
Fartin’ for Gardiner. Onward!
Kate
P.S. The dainty little ‘poot’ I’ve just passed in your honor cannot possibly convey how much I love you, K. That love, my dear, is a mighty wind.
My dear Karen – I feel privledged to have access to your blogs thru Diane and Kate, and I’m moved to reach out to you. Your courage and your good humor in the face of this kind of adversity is simply inspiring, and an example to us all. You’re a distant and warm memory for me, having met you in Key West and having you visit our home in Croton-on-Hudson. I know you as a brilliant and beautiful woman who has had more than her share of life’s challenges. You are in my thoughts and my prayers, as I know you are with Diane. With love and good wishes, Tim Arnold
By the way, do you know you can actually light a fart? I can speak from (college, frat boy) experience. Just thought you’d like to know – but do not try it at home.
Wren, do you have a rocking chair? Wonderful way to move things along when you can’t exercise.
Hey, Ali. Not sure you’d want to be in the back seat behind Karen now, if you catch my drift. 🙂
Thanks for making the effort to make an entry today, Love. Means so much to see a little sign of improvement.
Hugs,
A. Carol
hi karen
the trees here are just starting to show their splendor – lots of red and gold, so beautiful mixed in with the ones that are still green. there’s such clarity in the autumn sky, i think. i’m glad you were able to update us, we’re all rooting for you!
When I read your posting yesterday it occured to me that that was the best birthday present ever!
Stay strong!
Karen,
I am happy to hear that you are through the treatments, and although they are taking a huge toll on you, that slowly things are easing for you.
I wish for you continued relief and healing. I am sending my love.
Christine
Well, Carol and I couldn’t figure out what had hit our systems after dinner last night…and now we know…we were merely picking up on the cosmic cloud that was gathering to show support for our dear Karen; we’re rootin’ for you, toots! Love ya so much! Kelly